light Relief
| | Subject: Work!!! Just in case you ever got the two mixed up.This should make things a bit more clear . . . IN PRISON... you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell. AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle. IN PRISON... you get three meals a day. AT WORK... you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it. |
 | IN PRISON... you get time off for good behaviour. AT WORK... you get more work for good behaviour. IN PRISON... the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK... you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself. |
| | IN PRISON... you can watch TV and play games. AT WORK... you get fired for watching TV and playing games. IN PRISON... you get your own toilet. AT WORK... you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat. IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK... you can't even speak to your family. IN PRISON... all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required. AT WORK... you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners. IN PRISON... you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out. AT WORK... you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars. IN PRISON... you must deal with sadistic wardens. AT WORK... they are called managers. |
| | History is Boring | ||
| Next time you're washing your hands and the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s. |
| |  | Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour. |
| | Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children-- last of all the babies. |
| | By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water." |  |
| | Houses had thatched roofs -- thick straw -- piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. |
| | When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof -- hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs." |  |
| | There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence. The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence the saying "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway, hence, a "thresh hold." |
| | In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite awhile. Hence the rhyme, "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old." |
 | Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat." Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some |
| | of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous. Most people did not have pewter plates, but had trenchers, a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Often trenchers were made from stale bread which was so old and hard that they could be used for quite some time. Trenchers were never washed and a lot of times worms and mould got into the wood and old bread. After eating off wormy, mouldy trenchers, one would get "trench mouth.." Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust." |
| |  | | Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. |
| | They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake." |
| | England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer." And that's the truth. . . (who ever said that History was boring)?  |
 | Be very proud to be British because... |
| | Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign. |  |
Only in Britain.....
| |  | do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions | ||
| while people can buy cigarettes at the front. | ||||
| can you get a pizza to your house faster than an ambulance. | |||
| do people order doublecheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke. | |||
| do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters. | |||
| do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawnmower | |||
| in the garage. | ||||
| are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink. | |||
| Not | to mention | |||
| 3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue. | |||
| 58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. | |||
| 31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in. | |||
| British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents. | |||
| 18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a newjumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth. | |||
| 5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars. | |||
| | And finally.........In 2000, eight Brits cracked their skulls whilst throwing up into the toilet. | ||
| RULE BRITANNIA!! Oh what joy to be British! |
| | a mail sent in by my daughter Samantha (under 30) - samanthaberkery@btinternet.com | |
| | People over 30 should all be dead! Here's why.......... |
| | According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,50's, 60's, or even maybe the early 70's probably shouldn't have survived. |
| | Our baby cots were covered with bright colored lead-based paint. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets, ... and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. (Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.) |  |
| | As children, we would ride in cars with no seatbelts or air bags. Riding in the back of a ute on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Horrors! We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soft drink with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. NO MOBILE PHONES!!!!! Unthinkable! |
| |  | | We did not have Wi, Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on cable, dvd movies, surround sound, personal mobile phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms. We had friends! We went outside and found them. We played British Bulldog, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt. |
| | We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents....they were accidents. No one was to blame but us. Remember accidents? We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it. |
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them. Sports teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade. More horrors! |  |
| | Tests were not adjusted for any reason. Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law. Imagine that! This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. |
| | And you're one of them! Congratulations! People under 30 are WIMPS ! |  |
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| | www.chyebassaoct85.blogspot.com Thursday, July 26, 2007 Well, that's the Juster family sorted out. Today, visited with Marle and Erica Juster at their lovely home by the shores of Moreton Bay. Erica has collected a considerable amount of information on the family, their life in Queensland, and their English heritage................... |  |
| |  | | Juster Facebook group When you subscribe to Facebook then join up to this facebook group. |
| | Diane Juster - Le Reflet du Lac > Actualités > Duo surprise de Diane Juster et Ginette Reno au Vieux Clocher www.lerefletdulac.com/article-335952-Duo-surprise-de-Diane-Juster-et-Ginette-Reno-au-Vieux-Clocher.html Ginette Reno a fait une apparition surprise au spectacle-bénéfice de Diane Juster, samedi dernier (9 mai), et ce, au grand plaisir des 225 spectateurs réunis au Vieux Clocher de Magog. L'étonnement et la joie se lisaient sur le visage des gens lorsque cette grande dame de la chanson québécoise... | |  |